Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize