dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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