I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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