I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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