This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize