You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
