You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
