sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
