the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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