I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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