glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
