Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
