I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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