I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
