I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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