i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
