4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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