Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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