Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
