Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
