I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
