you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
