I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
