I accidentally had phone sex last night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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