He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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