I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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