i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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