Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
