I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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