I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
