take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
