it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize