For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize