My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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