Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
