I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
