Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize