No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
