No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
