Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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