I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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