I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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