doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
