you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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