Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
