You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
