I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
