No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
