He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize