even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
