He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
