Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
