she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
