yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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