Me too!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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