At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
