"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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