Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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