Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
