just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
