I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
