Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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