A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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