he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
