Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
