Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
