so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
