You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
