I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
