YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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