Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
